December 7

Reunification Roadmap: Step 1 – Alienation Decoder


In order to solve your alienation situation, you must first really understand your alienation situation.

Now, you may be thinking- I know all about my alienation situation, I have done so much research.

And that may be true! But you must dig deeper into your own situation, understand your co-parent and how it is all really affecting your child. 

Decoding the intricate dynamics at play is the foundational step towards reconnecting with your estranged child. This pivotal phase of self-reflection demands an understanding of the complexities of alienation. Here's an insightful exploration of decoding alienation as the initial step in the journey of reunification:

Understanding Parental Alienation

Parental alienation is a distressing situation where a child becomes cutoff from one parent due to the deliberate actions or influence of the other parent. It often involves the manipulation, coercion, or defamation of one parent, resulting in the child's rejection or distancing from that parent. This can be controversial because of the associating allegations that are often involved, leading to chaos and confusion over which parent is telling the truth or not. The sum it up, there are unfortunately normal-range parents that during/after a separation/divorce, who have co-parents who, usually due to the marital conflict and their own childhood divorce trauma, take their resentment out on the other parent by using the child. Many adult children attest to this happening to them and their parent! Dorcy is one of those formerly alienated children. 

Recognizing Alienating Behaviors

Decoding alienation involves recognizing common alienating behaviors, such as:

  • Denigrating the Other Parent: Constantly criticizing or disparaging the other parent in front of the child, or behind closed doors. This may come across as newfound accusations and remarks from your child. 
  • Involving the Child in Adult Matters: Letting them in on the martial discord, what transpired, who did what, and/or letting them in on legal matters.
  • Restricting Contact: Interfering with or restricting the child's access to the other parent through various means.
  • Undermining the Relationship: Dismissing or devaluing the bond between the child and the other parent, causing emotional distance.
  • Distorting: Turning something like 'you can't have a snack before dinner' into 'they rarely feed my child.' The child relays something like this to the parent, who distorts into a situation that is not factual.

When you understand and recognize what and who you are dealing with, it becomes easier and easier to empathize with your child (and yes, even your co-parent) and to become even more empowered to solve your alienation situation. This is just the first and foremost step to recovering your child. Stay tuned next week for the next crucial stage of the Alienated Parent's Roadmap to Reunification!


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