September 18

Parental Alienation, What is it?


Is you ex or other family members interfering with your relationship with your children?

Are you interfering with the relationship between your children and the other parent?

So many people have asked me to explain exactly what Parental Alienation is. Many people are the target parents of Parental Alienation or are themselves in some varying degree alienating their child/children from the other parent either consciously or subconsciously. Because so many people are affected and do not know the proper terminology. In this article you will learn some of the basic ways children are brainwashed into believing they have to choose one parent over the other.

Parental Alienation has devastating effects on children. To prevent the effect you must recognize the symptoms of P.A.S. Parental Alienation Syndrome. A majority of the symptoms or behaviors focus on one target parent. When the child vilifies the targeted parent, demonstrating hatred, then the condition becomes parental alienation syndrome. Do not get discouraged if you notice after reading the list below that some of your own behaviors have been alienating. This is normal in even the best of parents. Instead, let this list help sensitize you to how you are behaving and what you are saying to your children.

Included here is a list of the most common forms of Alienating Behaviors:

1. Giving children choices concerning visitation when visits to the other parent are mandatory. Allowing the child to decide for themselves to visit when there is a court order.

2. Detailing to the child “everything” about the marital relationship or reasons for the divorce is alienating. The parent usually argues that they simply “wish to be honest” with their children.

3. Refusing to acknowledge the child’s own property and that the child may want to transport these possessions between residences.

5. Blaming the other (alienated) parent for financial problems, breaking up the family, changes in lifestyle, or having a girlfriend/boyfriend, etc.

6. Refusing to acknowledge the child’s needs for flexibility with the visitation schedule. The alienating parent may schedule the children in so many activities that the other parent is never given the time to visit. Of course, when the targeted parent protests, they are described as not caring and selfish.

7. Assuming that physical abuse from one parent to another will translate into the abusive parent assaulting the child. This assumption is not always true.

8. Asking the child to choose one parent’s residence over another parent causes the child considerable distress.

9. When a parent or stepparent raises the question about changing the child’s name or suggests an adoption.

10. When children cannot give reasons for being angry towards a parent or their reasons are very vague without any details.

11. A parent having secrets, special signals, a private rendezvous, or words with special meanings are very destructive to the child building a relationship with the other parent, and reinforce an on-going alienation.

12. When a parent uses a child to spy or covertly gather information for the parent’s own use, the child receives a damaging message that demeans the target parent.

13. Parents setting up temptations that interfere with the child’s visitation are practicing alienation.

14. A parent suggesting or reacting with hurt or sadness to their child having a good time with the other parent will cause the child to withdraw and not
communicate. They will frequently feel guilty or conflicted not knowing that it’s “okay” to have fun with their other parent.

15. A parent asking the child about his/her other parent’s personal life will cause the child considerable tension and conflict. Children who are not alienated want to be loyal to both parents.

16. Parents who physically or psychologically “rescue” the children when there is no threat to their safety. This practice reinforces in the child’s mind the illusion of threat or danger.

17. Making demands on the other parent that is contrary to court orders.

18.Listening in on the children’s phone conversation

Although the above list is long it is not inclusive there are other varying ways the alienating parent goes about denigrating the relationship with the child/children the target parent. listed are most of the common ways the denigration happens.

If you are participating in any of the above behavior you are causing emotional and psychological damage to your children. You may be angry and think that your behavior is only affecting your ex and simply is not the case. It is not to late to stop alienating behavior and turn things around for your children.

This may be happening to you and this may be the first time it has been identified for you. There are things you can to re-brand yourself in court and present your case from a more enlightened point of view. This takes conscious and strategic step to ensure a restored healthy relationship with you children. At Conscious Co-Parenting Institute we offer parenting classes and one on one coaching to assist you in achieving custody goals and building a healthy relationship between you and your children. contact me at for more information.

If you feel like to are an alienating parent and you are discovering for the first time or maybe you have had that gut feeling that what you were doing was somehow hurting your children yet you did not know how to stop, we at Conscious Co-parenting Institute are looking for people like you who are interested in participating in a confidential study working through shifting this behavior. It is NEVER to late to change the impact you have on your children. If you would like to have a free confidential coaching session. Please contact me at

We look forward to moving your family from divided to united.


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