We all have trauma. Big and small. And yet when we have kids, we think we get a fresh start. We think we will be different than our parents, or our spouse or co-parent will be different than my parent's partner, etc.
And while that of course can be true, unfortunately, trauma does not just dissolve. In fact, it affects us in all areas of our life, personally and with others, until we learn to heal it. Many people go their whole lives not healing their trauma, and are left wondering why their life turned out a certain way.
And when we have children, our trauma can have a significant impact on their livelihood and development as well. Why is that? How can that be?
First and foremost, your children are an extension of you. Even adopted children. It is the closest relationship you will ever share. So of course if you have unresolved trauma, that extends onto them (in more ways than one).
Unresolved trauma can affect parents' parenting style, how they communicate with their kids, how they express themselves, and how they show up with them overall. Trauma can and will cause parents to become more reactive, irritable, and less emotionally available to their children. Or, overly involved with their children- they be on either extreme side of the spectrum. They can have difficulty in setting appropriate boundaries, managing emotions, and approaching/resolving conflicts. Children who are raised by traumatized parents may experience anxiety, depression, and behavioral issues, attract unhealthy partners... You get the gist. And-- even being traumatized from a parent-child emotional cutoff can affect how you rebuild that relationship back.
Now, if you know you have unresolved trauma, don't fret. You can always choose and learn to heal it!
Sourcing, processing, and healing trauma can empower you to create a healthier family dynamic by recognizing and addressing the negative patterns that may have developed as a result of your trauma. This can include developing healthier communication styles, boundaries, and coping mechanisms. By doing so, you can prevent your children from experiencing similar trauma, and overall create a safer and more stable environment for them to grow up in, and attract healthier partners. They mirror their parents, and create deservingness levels accordingly.
When you are ready to get started with healing your trauma, check out Higher Purpose Parenting program right here, right now. Creating a healthier, safer future for your child (and yourself) begins today. And it begins with you.