May 28

Your Pain Is Hurting You More Than You Think


When we are hurt, whether by a loved one, a loss, our health, etc - it is deeply painful. We feel it throughout our entire bodies, our mind races, and it even leaves people bedridden. It is a natural human response, and yet it can harm us.

When you stay stuck in that painful place, you are unfortunately hurting yourself more than you think. Pain is a domino effect. Think about a few examples:

You just received divorce papers and had the painful realization that it is finally happening, it feels real now. You start pondering how you got here, soon enough you can't get out of bed to go to work, so you call in sick. You run out of sick days at work and now have to choose between less pay or going to work in your mental state. You choose to stay a little longer. But when you stay home, your mind races even more. You maybe don't eat for most of the day. You don't get exercise. You start watching sad movies and listening to sad songs. Your anxiety is giving you terrible stomach aches. Your mind has now entered an unhealthy pain state. The natural hurt that comes with this sudden life change, is taking over. Your job, finances, physical health, and mental health are all at stake. 

While you eventually get up out of bed, make a decent meal, and head back to work, many people think this means overcoming that pain. While it is in the typical sense, many people don't realize they have not overcome the most impactful part of that pain: the trauma it may have caused. 

Trauma is also a domino effect. If you don't get your unconscious feelings in check, it's as if let's say you never got your mindset in check. You never got out of bed, you lost your job, you stopped eating. This is an extreme example, and yet not healing your trauma is hurting you in the same ways, unconsciously. You start to resent your ex-spouse, and you have children together so now this resentment trickles down to them. And even though you know deep down they are a great parent to your kids, you couldn't help (without realizing) that you've gotten your kids to perceive their other parent in the way you perceived them as your spouse/ex-spouse. This then affects the relationship they form with their other parent over time, and this in turn affects the future relationships they get into themselves. And round and round it goes. 

So, just as pain can hurt us in so many obvious ways that we eventually get over, the trauma from the pain is hurting you over time if it goes unchecked. 

Here are a few ways to heal your trauma:

- start journaling your feelings, so they don't stay captive in your mind 

- learn to forgive (we do this for us, not for them!)

- recognize how powerful you are

- learn to live for the future, not the past 

Check out Tame the Pain to learn more concrete steps to taming pain so you know how to overcome it. For an even deeper dive into your trauma, enroll in Healing From Emotional Trauma so you can uncover how to set yourself free (and your children). 


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